Page 13 of the Spartan Spasm. Page has two articles titled "College, as seen by the movies" and "He Told Her;" along with two drawings one of a girl and the other one of a college couple. See transcript. Scanned with Microtek Scanmaker 1000XL Pro; as a 600 dpi TIFF image in 8-bit Grayscale. Auto Level image processing applied and compressed into JPEG format using Photoshop CS3. Helene, the footbill girl, believes in school spirit. She likes to encourage the football team—individually, of course. He: That's a hot-looking dress, where you got it. She: Where's that? He: Fire sale. COLLEGE, AS SEEN BY THE MOVIES CO-ED. Any young woman of surpassing beauty, brief skirts and a tendency to dance on tables or pianos, who falls in love with the FOOTBALL STAR, who is a handsome brute of alxwt 33, who always has to work his way through and who places a 75-yard drop-kick neatly between the goal posts in the last 32nd of a minute before the game end-. COLLEGE ROOM. A place hung with pennants and full of davenports and easy chairs. FRATERNITY. A place where everybody stands around in a hallway, slapping everyone else on the back. PROM. Any large room hung with serpentine where the dancers are all spiffed to the eyebrows, pal out on all sides and necking all over the place. HAZING. This consists of the whole college chasing someone through miles of underbrush. FRESHMAN. Anything that wear- peg-top trousers and a funny hat and carries a wicker suitcase. HE TOLD HER— —he was a bookmaker and -he married him and then wanted to be taken down to the printing plant. —he did plastering and after they had the knot tied she found out that he did do plastering—in fact almost every night in the week. —that his father was near to a millionaire: they got married and she discovered that the old man was valet to John dee Boulderfellow — that he was the owner of a large plant. After the wedding bells-, the large plant turned out to be of the sunflower species—that his old man was- a musical instrument manufacturer—Specializing in lyres. When the honeymoon was over she came to the conclusion that her husband was the biggest lyre that his father had ever made. Have you heard, dear friends, of the absent minded Ford owner who used castor oil for flushing the crank case? the cousin of the man who used Zeroline for indigestion. I think I know 13
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