Article cut out of a Spartan Spasm page. See transcript for full description. Scanned with Microtek Scanmaker 1000XL Pro; as a 600 dpi TIFF image in 8-bit Grayscale. Auto Level image processing applied and compressed into JPEG format using Photoshop CS3. A WOMAN DISCUSSES HER FAVORITY TOPIC--MEN Men are what women marry. They have two feet, two hands and some- times two wives, but never more than one clean collar or one idea at a time. Like Turkish cigarettes, men are all made of the same material, the only dif- ference being that some are a little bet- ter disguised than others. Generally speaking they may be di- vided into three classes—husbands, bachelors and widows. An eligible bachelor is a mass of obstinacy en- tirely surrounded by suspicions. Hus bands are of three varieties-prizes, suprises and consolation prizes. Making a husband out of a man is one of the highest plastic arts known to civilization. It requires science, common sense, faith, hope and charity -especially the latter. It’s a psychological marvel that a soft, fluffy, tender, violet-scented (0h! Gawd-editor’s comment), sweet little thing like a woman should enjoy kissing a big, awkward, stubby-chinned, to- bacco and bay rum scented thing like A man. If you flatter a man, it fright- ens him to death, and if you don’t you bore him to death. If you permit him to make love to you, he gets tired of you in the end, and if you don’t he gets tired of you in the beginning. If you believe him in everything, you soon cease to interest him, and if you argue with him in everything, you soon cease to charm him. If you believe all he tells you he thinks you are a fool, and if you don’t he thinks you are a cynic. If you wear gay colors and a start- ling hat he hesitates to take you out. If you wear a little brown toque and a tailor made, he stares all evening at a woman in noisy colors, much com- plexion and a wow of a hat. If you join him in his wildness and approve his smoking and drinking, he swears you are driving him to the devil. If you don’t, he says the same thing. If you are the clinging vine type he doubts that you have a brain-and if you are a great, big modern woman, he doubts whether or not you have a heart. If you are silly he longs for a play- mate, and if you are popular with the other men, he is jealous. If you are not popular, he hesitates to marry a wallflower. GOSH DURN MEN, NO- HOW! ----Anonymous.
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